Attack of the Green Laser pens....Champions League action

"Set lasers to stun boys!"

If you watched the Champions League clashes of Chelsea vs. Valencia and Dortmund vs. Marseille you would noticed a sickly green feature on the various players faces and bodies. This is not due to bad fish served at the team hotel, but childish troublemakers shining laser pens into the eyes of the players in both of the games. Having played with them myself I know how far they shine/ how painful they are if pointed into your eyes for a duration upward of 1.5 seconds. Now I don't think Dortmund's keeper Weidenfeller could blame letting Andre Ayew's goal on temporary blindness, but in the case of Solomon Kalou's groping of the ball in box, I would recommend the adverse. I might get some stick from the secret laser society  for not praising their organization, popping up in two different games across Europe. A successful achievement in the plot to annoy the piss out of players, refs and fans alike, the shenanigans  caused by laser wielding hooligans led to plenty of commentary from the match reporters, so I guess mission accomplished.  

Speaking of shenanigans: the players who participated got into the most for this round of CL action were Edison Cavani for his unparalleled forward play, notching the penalty in their match against a brittle Villarreal, and Super Mario Gomez, popping up with two pure poacher goals in the drubbing of a out of sorts Man City. Alexander Frei wasn't to shabby grabbing a brace against Man United, and Ramirez finally looks to be settling into Chelsea's midfield, showing blistering pace allowing him to catch up with his poor first touch. Honorable mentions go to Andre Ayew of Marseille, Marek Hamsik of Napoli, Frank Ribery, and Valencia's goalkeeper Diego Alves who came up with a myriad of peachy  saves defying Chelsea from taking the away win.

Team flops of this round had to be Manchester City, who as a team failed to make any impact whatsoever outside of the first five minutes. Neuer was working on his tan while Joe Hart was going bald over the slack marking that led to both goals. Mario Gomez is as in form as nature allows right now, and he came up with a masterclass in a positional sense, it's got to be that hair! The team looked like one tht has never layed in a European competition- yet the majority of the team has vast experience  playing for other teams that have. That set the adhesive that holds their team of individuals together suffered in the humidity, peeling away to expose the weak foundation that the squad is build on. They just plain and simply looked awful.

The second flop of the week Is actually a two parter, but both team wear yellow. The sub(par)marine yellow of Villarreal and the Gelb(yellow) of Dortmund. Villarreal I thought might be a surprise package in the so called group of death which includes Napoli, Munich and City, yet judging on results so far I'd reckon their hyde will be scared by whips come advancement time. They looked terrible going forward, with Nilmar lacking confidence and touch he made Nil impact on proceedings, whilst Giuseppe Rossi like the little engine that could, chugged his way to relevance, but couldn't break the deadbolt of Inler and Cannavaro. 

Dortmund played 10 times better than they did against Arsenal a fortnight ago, and all they got was a 3-0 defeat. Goetze looked lively yet he was left to forage for himself. Hummels and Subotic made some uncharacteristic mistakes in the back with a slip from Subotic leading the Marseilles first goal, and a poor back header from Hummels granting Remy the chance to run, chest and volley past Wiedenfeller in goal for the second. Like Man City, Dortmund look a team a bit overwhelmed by the task of vying in the Champions League. 

For a full summery of results and scorers hit the link. The Link